I’m not making sense but I’m writing it anyway

I do not know how or why something “beautiful” has to end– a promise, a relationship, a life–at the moment when you know things are going so right. In our human knowledge, our perception of things shape our actions.

It is strange, isn’t it?

But the way we feel about beautiful things ending shows how much we value it, how much of ourselves that we invested on it, and how far we are willing to stretch ourselves to hold on it–all of these happen in our minds. Yes, whatever the mind knows and thinks, the body will follow.

We notice we have inner conflicts or tensions in our bodies, as our minds reject the bitter reality that there are things we can no longer do. We feel hurt when we cannot understand. We cannot accept that there are moments like these when we simply have to let things be.

People say the things that go beyond our control are the most frustrating events in life. These are the moments we cannot accept, simply because we did not anticipate it from happening in the first place. We have expected it the way our minds framed it to happen exactly.

It is a dilemma to see how the people you gave so much importance and priority will be the same people who will end your relationship intentionally. It hurts your inner core and your entire being at the same time. But relationships are like that, it is always two-way. If the other decides to hurt the other person, what else can the injured party do? The people who hurt you may or may not realize the repercussions of their decisions, anyway.

To experience something to end shocks our minds and damages our bodily functions. Endings distorts the alignment of heart and soul. Endings disengage what was built in our minds versus the reality that people and things falling apart.

And at that precise moment, you think the world you created is permanent… You are hoping it will last forever, as you expect it to be. But it did not.

So what went wrong?

As you are searching for the answers, then you begin to doubt if everything was a lie to begin with.

Was the intention for their own purpose? What was in their mind to do it?
Why was I not consulted?
Am I not important?
Am I not enough?
Why did it not work out?

In your mind it is beautiful, so beautiful that it becomes painful to end. But on the other person, it is not even beautiful and pain becomes its means to end. Simply, people are not always on the same page when they think and decide.

We deny ourselves of the fact that when things end and can no longer do about it, we still hold on for it to go back where it used to be. But it won’t help. We will just get stuck in a situation and deprive ourselves of other things and people in life. Buying time is lost time. Patience can only go so far until our minds say to stop.

Yes, it is difficult. It will never be easy. There will be times you want to blame the persons and events or even yourself. In moments of solitude, thoughts and questions will always linger. We can ask Life or we can ask God the question, “WHY?”

But we will never carry on with life asking ourselves with why’s. What must be framed in our minds and move our actions is responding with the how’s. As sometimes, why’s cannot and will not take us anywhere.

How can I turn things in my life around? How can I improve myself?
How can I move on with life?
How can I forgive and forget?

The reality we face may not what we have anticipated. The adage, “Expect the unexpected” is true. Changes are inevitable in life, and we cannot escape reality unless we gamble our sanity.

Life is a process of learning and unlearning. We learned how it is to be happy and how it is to grieve. We learned to create relationships and we also have to unlearn our attachments from what brings our pain. We learned how it is to have loved and lost, and eventually we unlearn from the pain and try to love once again.

Humans can only think and feel so much.
People love people only exist if people hurt people. Before something or someone beautiful has ended, it has started at a certain point somewhere sometime.

Thus, in endings come in new beginnings. People may come and go, but most importantly, it is up to us who and what we decide to stay with–and it must be mutual.

Unless we can think we can survive when things end, then you will know that you can. That is the reality, and it is a definite thing.

[Note: This is probably the last time I will write about you. If you have read this, you know who you are. I’m not coming back nor will I wait for you to come back. I’m happy where and who I am with now, without any guilt.]

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.


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About nadineestrella

A passionate leader. A driven learner. A life lover. I believe in God. I play hard, I work smart, I pay attention to details. I always try to see the beauty in life and the goodness in others. I love reading books, exploring places, and experimenting with food. I play different roles: a true friend, a loyal sister, a loving daughter, a faithful woman.

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