Today’s Drastic Turnarounds

For the first time, I can finally acknowledge to myself that I am a totally different person from what I have written last June 12. That day in June marked a significant turning point in my life, not because it is the Philippine Independence Day but because it is my own declaration of independence from all the persons who have caused me so much pain this year. A few hours after that incident, we had a scheduled household meeting (a prayer meeting with my friends from the YFL community) and our topic can not be any more perfect: Love.

Before I even ask God “Is this the answer?”, He has already surrounded me with people who truly loves and cares for me. It is only three months after when I went back to my blog post  that day when I realize that indeed, when I surrender everything to Him, all this pain is truly worth it. From June 12 until today, I began to appreciate why I have to go through losing people. The empty spaces in my life were filled with new experiences, new friends, new life lessons. I have to give up certain relationships that does not make me happy anymore and focus on the business/mission of loving my members in YFL. Today I know I have found more reasons to fall in love in this calling.

Truly, God is awesome. I said it before and I’ll say it again: If God brings me to it, He will bring me through it. Today is September 10, I cannot barely remember who I was last June 12. All I did during that household meeting was to write this:

I know that in pain, God gives me the appreciation of what love really is. I never hated them in spite of what they have done to push away my love for them. God tells me that right now, these people I do not deserve to prioritize with my love. In His time, these persons and I will be blessed to fix things. Only time can heal these wounds in my heart. It is never easy especially now that it is still fresh. But God is my healer.

Honestly, these people I have issues with cause me tears and disappointments. But I do not blame God for putting me in this situation. All I can say is I trust God that these pains will change me. My trust and faith in them might have been broken now, but in my broken self, God will make me whole. My hurts remind me that I am alive and human. I still love them. I know I also have others whom I love, and I know that I can love them more.

While I know that the time where God will give me the blessing to “fix” things is far from the horizon that my heart so desires, God has picked me up from that point and took me under His loving care.

It was only today that I remember I wrote the household topic on Love when my friend was giving it as another talk in another household. While the June 12 was surrounded with the YFL leaders in our Vicariate, today’s household comprised of YFL household leaders that me and my friend are supposed to train for our own parishes. It is a totally different feeling when I had to share the list of names now that before. I was more confident, more open, and more secure of God’s love than ever.

Indeed, true love encourages a person to grow, even in times of pain. I am now happier more than ever than these past few weeks because of the peace of mind that emanated from such pain. I am grateful that God planted me in this YFL community so that I can always turn to. His plan is always greater than what I have imagined. Life in Christ is the best life ever.

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About nadineestrella

A passionate leader. A driven learner. A life lover. I believe in God. I play hard, I work smart, I pay attention to details. I always try to see the beauty in life and the goodness in others. I love reading books, exploring places, and experimenting with food. I play different roles: a true friend, a loyal sister, a loving daughter, a faithful woman.

2 responses to “Today’s Drastic Turnarounds”

  1. Corinne Shields says :

    Hi

    Thanks for visiting and liking soulsnset. I love your line, “If God brings me to it, He will bring me through it.” Another one I like is “Pain is God’s megaphone in a deaf world”.

    I remember when I was going through a really bad time in my life, that really helped me.

    May we all be peaceful and at ease.

    Corinne

  2. wandiamaina says :

    Pain, hurt i believe are codes. In the sense that when we accept we have been hurt, grief over the loss or the affliction, pick lessons and move on; that heralds a new dawn. A new beginning with a promise and a hope. There is nothing as beautiful as a muster of the inner strength and confidence rooted in us and that becomes the leverage for a better life and a brighter future.Life goes on, regardless. Nevertheless, we have a Sovereign Lord who will never let us bear a burden too heavy it ill crush our shoulders. His grace suffice to see us through.

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